I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize