bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
