Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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