it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
