How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize