Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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