i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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