just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In other news, I just burned my penis
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
