he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize