Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
