Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
