My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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