Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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