lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
