3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
