It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
