I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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