dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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