Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
