I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
