So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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