My brain says no but my pants say off.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
