Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
