dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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