Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm at about main and main street
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
