I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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