At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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