I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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