my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize