Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
