a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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