my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
