Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
