Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
