Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
