Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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