Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
