My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
