I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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