Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
