until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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