well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize