i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
so much tequila, so little girl.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
