Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
