y did u give ur computer a hand job?
another moral hangover. fuck.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
