Define "chronic" masturbator.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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