I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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