you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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