My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
