next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
