She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
