i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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