so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
