Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
