Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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