I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
