I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
