you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
