So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
