i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
