we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
