I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
did i just pee glitter
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
