you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
