Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
