ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
