she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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