Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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