do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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