Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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