Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
