I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
