It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
