haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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