I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
