Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we're so committed to being not committed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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