You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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